Over the holiday weekend period, I went to stay with my parents for a couple of days to spend the holiday season with them. One day, my parents went for a walk out in the countryside, and I stayed behind to finish off some work (I know, over Christmas, right?).
When my parents return, it was evident that they had had an argument about taking the wrong turn on a footpath which had blown up into an argument of who was wrong and who was right. This blew my mind as both my mother and father were intent on proving who would have made the right decision and the wrong decision.
I listened to them ‘discuss’ something so relatively small for about an hour before stepping in and stating ‘why are you so focusing on such a minor detail? Did you still enjoy your walk?’. My parents aren’t the type to argue too much, but I was shocked to see how they were caught up on some little detail with the end goal of trying to get the other one to say they were wrong and they were right.
Finally, I stepped in to finish the conversation that their focus should have been enjoying the walk together and that it doesn’t matter who made a wrong or right decision, all the matters was that you enjoyed the time in each other’s company.
However, the more I thought about this, the more I could see it in so many relationships, whether it was friends, family or even in my own past relationships which has led me to writing this piece. Being in a relationship with somebody means that you’re a team and you’re working together, something that seems that to be forgotten from time to time.
To help bring back this team spirit into your relationships, here are five considerations to think about.
#1 – Working Together to Achieve a Common Goal
Every single day, you and your loved one will come together to achieve certain tasks, no matter how big and small they are. Whether you’re going for a walk, doing the washing up, going to a family’s house or anything you care to name, it’s vital that you remember that you’re both there for the same reasons.
Instead of proving who’s wrong or right, consider that the decisions you’re making will affect both of you and both of you alone. If you’re on a walk and you take the wrong path, it doesn’t matter who messed up, what matters is that you both work together to get yourselves back on track.
#2 – Not Holding onto the Past
One of the biggest benefits of meditation is the feeling of becoming present. One of my favorite sayings is ‘the past is the past, and the future doesn’t exist’. When my parents were arguing, both were bringing up points in the past trying to create a fool-hardy point to prove but what gain does this have for anybody?
Yes, there may be things in the past that your loved one has done to upset you or anger you but are these points really worth bringing up? If they weren’t brought up when they were relevant, or they were dealt with them, leave them in past as they will provide no benefit now.
#3 – Appreciate Each Other’s Qualities
I’ve had several relationships in my past, but as a whole, I’m a rather independent person who likes to do things myself. However, from a relationship point of view, compromises need to be made for things to work.
One of my ex-partners was really good at cooking, which is why when it came to dinnertime, she would focus on the cooking side of things while I would lay the table and do the washing up. Although such a small aspect of life, this level of teamwork not only gets things done, it always helps to instill a team ethic.
Now consider the skill, traits, and qualities that your partner has. How do you nurture them in everyday life? How do they nurture them for you? By encouraging and helping each other in everything you do, the world will truly be your oyster.
#4 – Listen to Each Other
One of the biggest things I noticed that came from the argument is the fact that both parents love to interrupt each other. The same can be said for pretty much every single relationship I have looked at since. I know I’ve been guilty of it in the past.
Listening is one of the most important things to consider in a relationship. And this doesn’t mean listening for them to finish their point, so you can move onto your own. It means actually listening to the point that they’re trying to make before basing your response on what they’ve just said which will process the conversation.
This stops conversations going in circles and never arriving at a conclusion.
#5 – Enjoy Each Other’s Company
At the end of the day, everything you do with your loved one is in the mindset that you enjoy doing it with them. It doesn’t matter what that is, whether it’s driving from A to B, going to the cinema, watching TV at home or even waiting for a hospital appointment together, you’re there because you love that person and want to be there with them.
This article is written with meditation in mind. All the points above require you to be living with your mind in the present moment. Using meditation, you can learn to be present, to be grateful for the other person and the relationship you have and to appreciate your life and the people in it.
By practicing meditation, you can improve these qualities in your life, leading to a happier, healthier and brighter future for you and your loved one.
