There’s something about human beings that simply love to blame other people for our own downfalls. As much as we don’t like to admit it, this is something that we’ve all done from time to time, and it’s rarely something we own up to doing.

In most cases, it’s an old habit that’s been hardwired over time into our mindsets and of course, like any personality trait, it can take time to unwind, and it may be a long process ahead of you. However, without changing this ‘victim’ mindset, you’re risking making yourself extremely unhappy and bitter about your life.

At the end of the day, it’s so important to realise that when you’re bitter towards something or someone, you’re not going to hurt the other person or party involved, only yourself. By clinging to blame, anger or pain from a past event, you’re never going to be able to move on.

You need to learn to forgive.

How Bitterness Hurts

You could be bitter and angry about anything. It could be something relatively small, such as someone taking the last doughnut in the office, or it could be something much more life-changing, such as someone beating you to a promotion, or your relationship falling apart.

In one study, 71 people were studied by psychologists and shown special images that were designed to encourage feelings of resentment and hate for 15 seconds. After these 15 seconds, the participants were shown images that were designed to soothe and relax these feelings for just 5 seconds.

Surprisingly, those who focused more on resentment and bitterness during the trials had a collective heart rate increase of an incredible 250% after just four seconds of being shown the first images. However, four seconds later, after the soothing images were shown, that heart rate dropped by an astonishing 200%.

Those who were able to focus on being relaxed and empathic throughout the entire study has a heart rate (and blood pressure level) that averaged around 150% lower than the group noted above.

As you can imagine, this level of stress and elevated heart rate can be detrimental to your health. Another study that was carried out by the National Center for Biotechnology Information found that ‘being bitter’ and ‘resenting’, which resulted in elevated blood pressure and heart rates can lead to numerous health problems which include; enduring emotional distress, overall declining health, poor sleep quality, chronic depression, increased stress hormone production (cortisol) and even negative cardiovascular problems.

Meditation and Your Brain

So, it’s clear that being a bitter person, whether you release it or not, can be extremely damaging to your health, so what can you do about it?

As mentioned above, one of the best ways to go about it is learning to forgive people and yourself for things that have happened in the past. One of my personal favourite sayings is ‘the past is the past, and the future doesn’t exist’. All you need to focus on is the present.

As I’ve suggested in the title of this article, one of the best ways to learn how to forgive and let go of the past is through meditation. By taking the name to take a step back from everyday life to breath and clear your mind, you can train your brain to let go of anything negative, whether it’s a situation of the past or anxiety, to solely focus on the present.

This will help you to become free from stress, worries and anger that can drive down your emotional wellbeing in the day to day life. Of course, if you feel like you’ve been a bitter person for several years, it can take months, possibly even years, to re-hardwire your brain to let go. However, with daily practice, you’ll be pleasantly surprised with how good you feel after such a short amount of time.

Over the holiday weekend period, I went to stay with my parents for a couple of days to spend the holiday season with them. One day, my parents went for a walk out in the countryside, and I stayed behind to finish off some work (I know, over Christmas, right?).

When my parents return, it was evident that they had had an argument about taking the wrong turn on a footpath which had blown up into an argument of who was wrong and who was right. This blew my mind as both my mother and father were intent on proving who would have made the right decision and the wrong decision.

I listened to them ‘discuss’ something so relatively small for about an hour before stepping in and stating ‘why are you so focusing on such a minor detail? Did you still enjoy your walk?’. My parents aren’t the type to argue too much, but I was shocked to see how they were caught up on some little detail with the end goal of trying to get the other one to say they were wrong and they were right.

Finally, I stepped in to finish the conversation that their focus should have been enjoying the walk together and that it doesn’t matter who made a wrong or right decision, all the matters was that you enjoyed the time in each other’s company.

However, the more I thought about this, the more I could see it in so many relationships, whether it was friends, family or even in my own past relationships which has led me to writing this piece. Being in a relationship with somebody means that you’re a team and you’re working together, something that seems that to be forgotten from time to time.

To help bring back this team spirit into your relationships, here are five considerations to think about.

#1 – Working Together to Achieve a Common Goal

Every single day, you and your loved one will come together to achieve certain tasks, no matter how big and small they are. Whether you’re going for a walk, doing the washing up, going to a family’s house or anything you care to name, it’s vital that you remember that you’re both there for the same reasons.

Instead of proving who’s wrong or right, consider that the decisions you’re making will affect both of you and both of you alone. If you’re on a walk and you take the wrong path, it doesn’t matter who messed up, what matters is that you both work together to get yourselves back on track.

#2 – Not Holding onto the Past

One of the biggest benefits of meditation is the feeling of becoming present. One of my favorite sayings is ‘the past is the past, and the future doesn’t exist’. When my parents were arguing, both were bringing up points in the past trying to create a fool-hardy point to prove but what gain does this have for anybody?

Yes, there may be things in the past that your loved one has done to upset you or anger you but are these points really worth bringing up? If they weren’t brought up when they were relevant, or they were dealt with them, leave them in past as they will provide no benefit now.

#3 – Appreciate Each Other’s Qualities

I’ve had several relationships in my past, but as a whole, I’m a rather independent person who likes to do things myself. However, from a relationship point of view, compromises need to be made for things to work.

One of my ex-partners was really good at cooking, which is why when it came to dinnertime, she would focus on the cooking side of things while I would lay the table and do the washing up. Although such a small aspect of life, this level of teamwork not only gets things done, it always helps to instill a team ethic.

Now consider the skill, traits, and qualities that your partner has. How do you nurture them in everyday life? How do they nurture them for you? By encouraging and helping each other in everything you do, the world will truly be your oyster.

#4 – Listen to Each Other

One of the biggest things I noticed that came from the argument is the fact that both parents love to interrupt each other. The same can be said for pretty much every single relationship I have looked at since. I know I’ve been guilty of it in the past.

Listening is one of the most important things to consider in a relationship. And this doesn’t mean listening for them to finish their point, so you can move onto your own. It means actually listening to the point that they’re trying to make before basing your response on what they’ve just said which will process the conversation.

This stops conversations going in circles and never arriving at a conclusion.

#5 – Enjoy Each Other’s Company

At the end of the day, everything you do with your loved one is in the mindset that you enjoy doing it with them. It doesn’t matter what that is, whether it’s driving from A to B, going to the cinema, watching TV at home or even waiting for a hospital appointment together, you’re there because you love that person and want to be there with them.

This article is written with meditation in mind. All the points above require you to be living with your mind in the present moment. Using meditation, you can learn to be present, to be grateful for the other person and the relationship you have and to appreciate your life and the people in it.

By practicing meditation, you can improve these qualities in your life, leading to a happier, healthier and brighter future for you and your loved one.

Holidays and vacations are supposed to be a time of complete relaxation. It’s the part of the year where you can put your feet up, unwind and not have to worry about any of the problems back home for a while, giving your mind the break it needs and deserves.

In a way, a holiday is a form of mediation, typically going to nice places with beautiful surroundings and fresh air that can help you clear your head. However, these vacations can quickly turn into stressful nightmares if you’re not careful.

Letting Go of the Stress

Typically, most people will go on holiday with their friends or family. This means that any stress that you have between these individuals or groups of people needs to be left at home, which of course is easier said than done.

When you get to your destination, and you’re trying to pick a restaurant, or activity, or even where you’re going to sit on the beach, stresses can instantly increase, and arguments can so easily break out.

However, this is your holiday, and you don’t want things to be ruined, so something needs to take place. As you should be doing when you’re at home, you need to learn and take notice of the times where you need to appreciate that you’re in a beautiful place with beautiful people, something that can be encouraged through meditation.

Quick Meditating to De-Stress

When it comes to being on holiday, especially when you’re with other people, you might not have the time or a quiet environment in which to meditate which can cause stress to increase within itself if you typically practice every day.

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t meditate and there are things you can do so you can fully enjoy your holiday experience. One of the easiest things you can do is to simply lay on your back and sit in your chair while looking up at the sky/ceiling.

Once here, simply close your eyes or softly gaze ahead and repeat in your mind ‘I am grateful to be here’. This is a simple affirmation or mantra that you can repeat to yourself or simply edit to whatever you to say, maybe something like ‘This place is so beautiful, and I’m happy to be here’.

This works in the exact same way that affirmations and mantras work and even if you’re sat in a restaurant, and you do it once, twice, or even for a few minutes, it can be all you need to keep yourself present and enjoying your experience as much as you can.

Keep Up Your Practice

Just because you’re on holiday, it doesn’t mean that you need to stop your practice. Of course, if you’re sleeping in a hotel, an apartment, or even a hostel, it can be difficult to find somewhere where you can have some peace and quiet to relax, but it’s not impossible.

Whether you’re laying in bed listening to a guided meditation through your headphones, getting up early to take a walk and soak up some early sun or the same in the evening, take an opportunity to find some peace and quiet, if only for several minutes, so you can fully enjoy your holiday.

If you’re anything like my dad, you’re probably on the wavelength and mindset that your brain is fine how it is and ‘spiritual’ practices like meditation are for ‘hippies’ and monks in the mountains. This is a common conception that I hear a lot when talking about meditation and one that’s agree with by a lot of cynics.

This is even the case, despite countless studies that prove the benefits of the practice, a practice that has been adopted by human beings for over 5,000 years. Let’s take a look at Dan Harris.

Back in 2004, Dan Harris, a news anchor for ABC News in the United States, had a panic attack live on air with a viewing audience about five million strong. The reason for this was that Dan had commonly reported from war zones around the world and it’s safe to say he’s seen some things that are going to play on his mind. Originally, he had used drugs to cope with the stresses and worries.

However, Harris has recently come forward to claim how he has now adopted meditation and how it has changed his life. He’s even written a book titled 10% Happier about his whole experience. Yet, Harris soon discovered that the original impact for convincing people to meditate didn’t happen. He claims how he was surprised how difficult it was for human beings to create healthy, life-changing habits.

Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics

This is the title of Harris’s latest book, which can be found here. He claims that there’s no better time like New Year, where people are infamous for following the ‘new year, new me’ saying, but there are a few problems that come with this.

Most notably is the fact that many people are trying to convince themselves to do something, whether it’s quit smoking, lose weight, or start exercising. This is just another thing on the to-do list which usually causes more stress than enlightenment.

Starting Your Own Meditation Journey

Harris claims he has spoken to neuroscientists who study meditation when writing the book. In his book, it states that 5-10 minutes of meditation a day is enough to start enjoying and relishing in the benefits that it provides. In fact, even developing a habit of a minute a day is more than enough.

Even if you try meditating once, trying to focus on your breath, and stay focused on your breath, it’s surprisingly difficult for most people. You’ll soon realise that your mind is a crazy and insane place that doesn’t seem to want to stay peaceful.

Even after the first session, it’s easy to see that our minds are constantly having an endless conversation with ourselves and you’d be surprised what happens when you actually listen to it.

For many of us, there is a tonne of negative and degrading thoughts about ourselves that repeat over and over again. These are completely natural to a certain degree but only exist because of our lifestyle.

Let’s say you’re casually scrolling down your Instagram feed. You might see a cute puppy, an exotic destination and a beautifully prepared meal. Now, what does your mind say to these things ‘I want to stroke the puppy, I want to be in that destination, and I want to eat that meal’.

All of these things are taking our minds off and out of the present moment in which we’re living and into a place where our minds are constantly elsewhere and not focused or appreciating where we actually are right now.

Now consider the average time spent on Instagram a day is 50 minutes, this is a lot of time where we’re thinking in this mindset. Through meditation, you can actively calm these thoughts down, helping you come back to the present moment where you’ll be able to breathe and be grateful for what you’ve got.

Trying it Yourself

Even if you’re a sceptic of meditation, even trying it once, just for ten minutes, say when you wake up tomorrow morning, give it a go to see what you think. If you have the willpower, try practising ten minutes a day for a week. This is all the time you’ll need to start feeling the benefits for yourself which can have dramatically positive effects on your mental and physical wellbeing.

In part one, we discussed how meditation could be used to help you lose weight. We explored your mindset and how mediation can help you to become aware of your thoughts so you can resist those temptations and urges.

Today, we’ll explore several steps to get you started on this road to turning meditation into a habit. Even after the first session you do, you’ll already start to feel a lot more confident in your decision-making skills.

#1 – Starting Off

The best way to get started with meditation is to jump straight into it and get started. Start by setting a time of day for your meditation.

However, it’s worth noting that meditation has been proven to be most effective when you wake up in the mornings. So, why not try doing it as the first thing you do when you wake up?

It doesn’t matter how long you meditate for when you get started. Do whatever you have time to do, whether it’s five, ten, twenty or thirty minutes. The longer, the better but you’ll be able to build it up over time.

There are plenty of blogs on this website or guides online that can show you how to get started with meditation.

#2 – Be Present When Eating

One of the main reasons we tend to overeat is because we’re not present when we do. For example, if you’re sitting having a meal, the chances are that you’re reading a newspaper, watching TV or scrolling through your smartphone.

This makes our brain miss the fact that we’re eating and makes us hungry later. Try sitting and eating with no distractions. Pay attention to every bite you have, all the tastes and all the smells. Really start to enjoy and notice the food that you’re eating.

#3 – Realise Your Weaknesses

As with any lifestyle change, there are going to be times when you’ll want to give in. For example, you might go to work, have a stressful meeting and, usually, this is when you’d resort to your cravings.

When a craving for food develops, try to pay attention to how you feel at the time. Are you nervous? Maybe you’re feeling stressed? Perhaps you’re tired or feeling a bit emotional?

For many of us, food has many emotional ties and is usually a comforting trait. Instead of eating, try to address how you’re feeling. This will become easier to address when you start getting into your habits of meditating.

#4 – Be Present with Your Decisions

When it gets to the point in the day when you’d normally have a snack, or maybe you’ve walked past a shop and want something to eat, ask yourself, are you really hungry?

Many of us are simply in the habit of snacking, and it’s been hardwired into our brains for several years. This is not an easy habit to break, and most of us now eat for the sake of it.

When the urge to eat at a time that isn’t a meal time comes up, use your meditative practices to become present. Ask your body, do I really need to eat this food? Am I really hungry or just eating because I can? Maybe there’s an emotional element involved? Your mind and body are constantly talking to you; it’s up to you to listen to it.

#5 – Set a Goal

Most of us find it very difficult to make new habits, especially when the ones we’re trying to break have been our lifestyle for the last few years. However, by setting a goal, we can become a lot more determined and motivated to reach that goal as it’s so rewarding to get there.

When it comes to this practice, try setting yourself a week goal. Try to eat mindfully through this week and practice meditation, if only for ten minutes a day, every day. Take it day by day but once you get to the end of the week successfully, check in with yourself and see how you feel.

More often than not, you’ll realise you’ll feel so much better about yourself. If you’ve been eating healthily, you should also notice a spike in your energy levels, as well as having better sleeping patterns and less stress.

If you’re feeling great, set yourself another week, and then another, and keep going until this becomes your lifestyle. You’ll thank yourself so much when you’re feeling better than you’ve felt in years!